A friend whom I met when he started pre-school at four years old asks, "Does it feel as if he is 'just at camp' or 'away for a few weeks' or something entirely different and more profound?" 

Grateful for having been asked, I answer, "The feeling is deep, and sad and pervades all parts of my being. I want him to come home and forget the whole thing…. And yet…. It is exciting, energizing, and fun to help him, advise him and share with him this great adventure. I am feeling pride, hope, and joy. 

This is the first time in my life that I feel the definition of “bittersweet.” I am having a hard time, so I am holding on tightly to my husband, and we are trying to stay very busy. 

I walk into his room and see the emptiness. The laundry is less. The fridge has less variety. The dinner table is always for three, not four. His car never moves. There are no friends at the door. There are no extra sheets and towels in the morning. The phone is not ringing. I am not hearing about his new friendships, I am not seeing his books and work; I am not looking into his eyes to see if he is rested and happy. 

Instead I am hearing about the great Comp Sci professor who invented the language he knows, I am hearing about all the dinners and parties that are going on for rush, I am hearing about the All-State Goalie from Maine who is injured so he might get to play, I am hearing about the dorm mate who offered to cook dinner in the community kitchen if she could share his kitchen utensils. I am hearing him think through whether he should do his work ahead of time, as he gets it, during the week, or on the weekends…. 

He is trying to sort out his new routine and responsibilities. It's his way, not directly and obviously influenced by my opinion or advice. We are only attached to one another through an invisible line of connection. I need to trust that connection and so does he. 

It’s hard, but it is as it should be. Thank God for the blessings of this passage to independence. It is after all, what I have invested my heart and soul into for the last 18 years. It's hard, so very hard, but it is as it should be.