I had spent so many years looking after my 4 children, cooking, washing, ironing, etc but they were only the practical things, I spent many wonderful hours discussing girlfriends with the boys and boyfriends with the girls, what makeup looked best, what aftershave would get the girls, how to look after themselves, how to manage their finances, etc, etc, all the the little things that your offspring need to know and talk about.

But, as I watched my last one leave, although it was a joyous occasion, somewhere inside me a little voice said "where do "I" go from here?"  I realized I had not really prepared for this day, I was too tied up with bringing up these adults of the future, 2 daughters and 2 sons, I hadn't realized they would all leave the nest; they had their own lives to live.

At first I didn't understand -  now that I could do anything "I" wanted to do... I didn't know what "I" wanted to do. I tried a part time job, which ended in me running out in tears, only to laugh at myself in later times.  Then I tried college, this proved to be a disaster - I did wipe off 3 months work from the master hard drive and they said it "couldn't be done."  I started a business making soft furnishings, something that I am good at, but that didn't work either.  I got an allotment and grew my own veggies and fruit, this lasted 3 years, until I was advised by my doctor and the hospital that my feet couldn't take any more "implements" being driven through them.  Well I'd tried.

It was around this time I began wondering if I did have a future of my own, I was getting very depressed, hubby had been so supportive but, nothing I had tried was working, and I had put my heart and soul into it all. I began to wake up in the mornings and wonder why I had bothered, the days seemed to drag on and on, and the days turned into weeks, and then months. I cried for the life I was used to, and hadn't known or wanted anything different.

Then one day I saw an advert for foster parents, I discussed it with hubby who was always behind everything I tried and thought "Oh well, what have I got to lose?" So with great trepidation I rang up the number. 

I now laugh and sing with my 14 year old foster daughter, I discuss boy friends and the newest makeup and hairstyles, my cooker is a mess but she tries so hard, and the bathroom is a disaster area, but the laughter and tears we have about the most ridiculous things are wonderful, I now have a new pride in myself too, the sun shines once again in my home. I now know, 8 years later, what "I" was meant to be doing with all the spare hours, days, and weeks I had on my hands when my last fledgling flew the coop, it's just a pity I hadn't known and prepared for it then.