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Bio:

Anne has been married for 29 years and currently works with her husband in their family business, Hollowick, Inc. in Manlius, NY.  Prior to entering the business world, she was a high school teacher. They have 2 children, Adam and Lora.

Anne has degrees from Vanderbilt University, BA; Yale University, MAT; Arizona State University, MBA     Her hobbies include writing, singing, hiking, reading, genealogy and enjoying good food.

The Interview:

First off, thank you Anne for agreeing to do this interview, I'm sure a lot of other EN Moms out there will enjoy reading it and gain some "insight" to this Empty Nest stage of life.

We have a lot of moms on the ENM's Message forum talk about how this "Empty Nest" stage seemed to hit them all at once, while others thought that they were prepared for their nest emptying but realized they weren't. So many say that it really feels like you are loosing a part of yourself. What would you say was the hardest part for you to overcome and at what point did you begin to realize that you were going to make it through this transition?

Thank you Jeanine! It is a pleasure and I appreciate your asking me to be part of your ENM family.

I believe that a mom cannot prepare for Empty Nest. It is a very personal experience and the impact manifests in different ways with different women. Yes, you may be losing a part of yourself when the kids leave. But that doesn’t have to be a bad thing, even if the transition becomes an emotional roller coaster for a time.  

For me, the hardest part was to stop continuing to put so much thought and energy and time on the kids.  I wanted everything to still revolve around them. It was difficult for me to become comfortable with the fact that my children were now competent and almost independent adults who were making their own decisions and choices in college, on their own, away from home. But this is what I had raised them to be!  I also found it difficult dealing with my own mid-life questioning -- thinking too much about time having gone by so quickly, wallowing in memories and regrets for things I wish I had done, and “what was I going to do now?”  After a lot of soul searching, I was finally able to relax and laugh a little to greet the “it’s all part of life” scenario”. I began to understand the importance of the day, and taking advantage of the day’s opportunities. I began moving myself forward – inch by inch - in a more fulfilling direction - for me. Of course, all of this took time.  And I believe that this is a very personal and individual process that not only finds “fulfilling direction” defined differently among women, but also takes longer for some women than for others to reach.      

I did make it through the early Empty Nest transition, and Jeanine, I never really doubted that I would not. But, I also want to add that, while I have transitioned out of the melancholy of early Empty Nest, I honestly don’t consider myself fully transitioned yet, even though the kids have now graduated from college. Fortunately, I believe this is not bad – because, just like my kids, I continue to transition by doing new things now, amidst the wonderful memories, and growing and learning in the process. I am transitioning in the celebration of where I am – and my kids are - in life. We all change. My inch by inch growth, which has been facilitated by self-help books and caring friends (isolation is not good!) has made me more grounded and content and happy with this “evolving me”.  I am a more interesting person who can share the mom/kid/adult relationship I want with my children. Yes, letting go and moving on is part of life, a difficult part of life, and it has been for centuries. I now intimately understand that reality. But I also believe that we moms can make it work!  It can be fun!  We can grow together with our children and friends and families in new ways, everyday. We have to! 

I see that your kids have finished college and have careers of their own. To help those moms out there who are thinking their time as "Mom" is over with and that they are no longer 'needed' now that the kids are leaving home, how would you say your relationship is with your kids since they are "adults"?

In my opinion, kids always need moms.  It’s just that the role has grown into a more meaningful one with adult friendship and camaraderie now in the mix.  Kids don’t need us to make their decisions. They are on their own.  But they do need our unconditional love, and that is a forever.  My children and I have a wonderful relationship of mutual trust and respect and love. And I find that they are quite wise when I ask for their suggestions and advise. (Although I must admit that they don’t usually want /need my “advice”.) Just go with the flow. Treasure every moment together. Some of the poems in my book relate to this topic.

After college, my two children traveled together for a year in Central and South America, working for several nonprofit organizations during their journey. Being just one year apart in school, this trip together was something they had planned on doing for years. Thankfully for me, they had already been away at college for 4 years to ease me into this “going really far away” event. (And my son even spent another year in China and India.)  Now they have just started their careers – in California.  And my husband and I live in Central New York.  3 hours time difference. And so it goes. Breathe! Thank heaven for cell phones!  

  Would you tell us a little about your book and what you hope other ENM's will gain from reading it?

I observed from friends locally, and from the parents I met on our visits to the kids’ colleges, that more than just a few women have deep issues with the letting-go of their children.  My hope is that by publishing this book, which shows my evolution of early empty nest feelings, I can help other moms make an easier transition into their Empty Nest.

While there are some to-do and how-to-let-go books written for parents entering Empty Nest, there is not much written to help moms address their personal emotions.  I want women to read a poem, or diary entry in the book and say, “Yes, I’ve felt that too. I can get through this.  My kids are fine.  It’s time to get on with my life.”

My book, “Empty Nest: one mother’s journey” is a 72 page book that consists of 37 original poems, personal journal entries, and quotes of wisdom from authors of parenting and self-help books.  The book is tied together with 22 colorful, original paintings created for the book by Australian artist, and college student, Taz Phillips.  The bibliography provides helpful resources for further reading and exploration.  Because the book is self-published, it is difficult to get the word out on its availability.  Hopefully, some of your readers will find the book helpful to them in their transitioning.

Readers can visit my website, www.emptynestmom.com (that’s your website without the “s” on mom) to read several poems and view the colorful page layout. (Note from Jeanine: You can click on the book at top or bottom of page to take you to Amazon for more viewing or purchase) 

And finally, do you have any new projects in the works that you would like to share with us? 

I continue to write poetry and am working on a new curriculum idea for college students, but that needs several more walks around the block to better define.  Maybe next year I’ll have more news on that to share.  As for now, the last year has found me taking piano lessons and acrylic painting classes, helping with our local village comprehensive economic development plan, and trying to market my book to college moms. Have a great day everyone!  And thank you again Jeanine