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Bio:
Dr.
Dianne Sundby is a licensed psychologist
whose private practice addresses both
therapeutic and career change concerns.
Upon receiving her doctorate from
Purdue University, she lectured at the
University of Southern California for
several years, directed clinical service
programs, and supervised a number of
psychological research projects.
Her writings include papers and book
chapters on dual-career families and the
personality dynamics associated with
specific careers. She is also the co-author
of a creativity assessment procedure. In addition to psychotherapy, counseling, assessment, and
research work, she has consulted extensively
in the United States and abroad on issues
concerning management selection and
development.
Dr.
Sundby’s book, You
Know You’re an Empty Nester When…was
published in 2005 by SPI Books.
This book came to fruition as she
grappled with the free time she suddenly had
available once her youngest child left for
college—3,000 miles away. Believing
that being able to chuckle at ourselves and
our frustrations as we experience new phases
in life, Dr. Sundby wrote this
cartoon-illustrated book on empty nesting
from a humor perspective.
Dr.
Sundby, the empty nester mother of three,
was widowed shortly before her book was
published.
She resides in Los Angeles, and her
not quite empty nest is now shared with
Teddy, her two year-old lab/Australian
shepherd.
The Interview:
Hi Dianne, thanks for doing the
interview always good to hear from ENMoms
who have 'been there done that'.
Can you tell us what the hardest
part was for you to overcome and when did
you finally begin to realize you were
going to "make it through" your
Empty Nest?
The hardest part of empty nesting for
me was experiencing the quietness in the
house--no music emanating from my
daughter's room and of course, no
daily chatting and catching up on school
and her life. This felt like a real gap in
the panorama of what I had been
experiencing as my daily life.
I eventually found that while I no
longer could count on having a daily
"dose" of "Momming" to
do--I was still very much a Mom,
albeit one 3,000 miles away. Our phone
conversations (always on Sunday nights and
sometimes on other days, in addition) and
our e-mailing often involved questions
regarding my opinion on classes to take or
topics to write upon for various
classes--or were requests to send a book,
piece of clothing, or a favorite DVD--almost
always one my husband and I were reluctant
to relinquish!
During this time, I had friends who
were also empty nesters and we would get
together over potluck dinners to share
life without a kid at home--which was
immensely helpful in realizing that we
were all experiencing some of the same
experiences. I think that after the first
semester and in having my daughter back
for the holidays, my comfort in inhabiting
my empty nest skin was starting to
grow--Kind of like getting a
"fix" to aid things along
the way. Towards spring, I started
thinking about writing a book on empty
nesting--and by the time my daughter was
back for the summer, I felt like I had
figured out how to make empty nest life
work! Key to this was taking on the
"project" of writing about empty
nesting--my way of not only "working
through" the process, but also a
vehicle for me to "give
back" to others what I had learned
about this phase of parenthood.
In answer to the question regarding my
children: I have three children--two
daughters and a son--all adults now--two
in their twenties and one in her thirties.
I have found that I'm still very much
"their mom"--but, our
relationship is now a more collaborative
one--not as much
"top-down"--parent to child as
when the kids were younger. We still
discuss what's happening in their lives by
phone and email, and as much as possible,
in person (two of my children live in
other parts of the country and one has
recently started working here in Los
Angeles)
From what I've learned over the past
few years, "Mom" time never
really ends. As our children mature, our
input differs in focus and the amount of
time we expend--now our input may be
weekly, not daily, I've found.
Frankly, I think that our goal
should be to allow our adult children the
privilege of conducting their lives
according to their desires and
thoughts--within reason, of course--Our
desires and thoughts are those that they
might "consult with and
consider" should they want to. After
all, if they are independent adults,
living their own lives in a
civilized/thoughtful manner, who then are
we to "know best?"
My book and why the humorous approach:
I believe that if we can chuckle at
ourselves and our blunders as we try out
new endeavors, we will not only survive,
but actually enjoy ourselves along the
way. Empty Nesting is real--and is a phase
of life to be reckoned with--but one
we need to acknowledge--fortunately for
us--is not a fatal disease.
New projects in the works: Have some
thoughts about doing a 'They're Back"
type book--(The Empty Nest is Full Again!)
Friends whose kids retuned home after
college (to live there until....) are
frequent requesters of this kind of book.
Another book idea (also requested by a
friend whose accountant husband recently
retired and now counts the olives
remaining in the olive jar)
addresses: You know You're Retiree When...
Have some quips, thoughts ideas, etc.
ready to roll here.....Given the number of
baby boomers about to retire, this may be
the topic of my next book......
Thanks again and both of those
book titles sound really interesting! Do
let us know when you get one finished.
