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Personal Stories & Poems

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by Callie Gross
 
To Carolyn Louise,

You are my first born child. I love you more than anyone alive. Always have. When you were born you were all mine. You were the most precious thing to me. You were just the right size. So little and depending on me. I surely didn't think I had it in me to take care of you or surely not to raise a daughter so smart and perfect as you are.

God has surely blessed me in this lifetime. I lived my life because of you. You kids were my life. I knew no other. I always wanted the best for you. And I tried really hard to get you that. Maybe I failed in some ways because we never did get rich in money. But we are a family wealthy in love. I think there is no family I know who sticks together as we do. They stray apart and live their own lives forgetting who really cares most.

Even thought I have brought you all up to be individuals, we as a family still stay strong. You were the leader of the pack the rest followed you in life. Even though they have strayed some you have been a major influence and a cause for jealousy as your life is so much more on track. But they will follow you and overcome difficulties as you have. You are an excellent example to follow. As an adult you have proven yourself to be a fine human being and mother and wife and I am so proud of you.

When you were getting ready to go to the military I was very proud that my daughter was doing better things than I could do. It almost killed me though. To let you go was the hardest thing ever. I couldn't make you stay. I had to let go of the baby bird and let her fly. That I guess was the end of the life I had known. I cried myself to sleep every night and woke up crying I broke down crying at any given moment. I felt like my life was over. I hated your Dad for allowing you to go. I messed up a lot after you left me.

By Fall I needed to find out who I was going to be now. Now that I wasn't Carolyn's Mother. I think I have finally figured out. Even though you don't need me in the way you did when you were growing up you still have a need of me. You're never too old to need your mother. I seen that the other day when you went to crying over that song. I seen that you still needed me ant that I'm not in your way at all like I though. I love you so much and yes I wish you were still my little girl but life goes on and I just have to accept that.. I have raised a very fine beautiful woman and I'm a very proud mom.

© 2006 Callie Gross  

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The Room           
by: Kenan Bresnan

Yesterday Rita and I tackled the “room.”  It was our fourth time doing this.  It is always a good feeling when it is done, a nostalgic feeling while you are doing it and a dreaded task when you are contemplating it.

Rita and I have four children and our youngest, Conor left for the University of Iowa three weeks ago.  He took with him all our hopes and dreams for his future.  He left us with eighteen years worth toys, souvenirs, pictures, magazines, collectibles, books and too small underwear; plus a high amount of just plain dirt.  Being a normal high school boy, for four years he deposited all of his clothes on the floor of his room.  He shoved stuff in his closet till it overflowed and one was scared to open the doors.  And most of all he resisted any efforts from his parents or oldest sister to clean the room or organize his various collections into some type of order.

Rita and I had been kidding his relatives and the neighbors that we had purchased HazMat outfits for the occasion.  Now that we are finished I wish that we had.  Three of our four children could be classified as All American slobs, so this was not a new experience for us.  I will take a minute to point out that our oldest is not like the other three.  When we went into her room all we had to do was a light dusting and turn out the lights.  All of her things were organized by function, by size, by color, and alphabetically when the Dewey decimal system was insufficient.

Quite appropriately it was Labor Day when I started into the “room” at about 7:30 in the morning.  I had finished pulling everything out of the closet when Mrs. Clean, the wife, waded in.  Our first task was to clean the closet, which consumed three rags and 1/5 bottle of Pine Sol with a dash of oven cleaner mixed in.  I took the plastic shelving unit out to the driveway and hooked up the power sprayer and removed several layers of grime in order to get it back to its natural color. Once that was replaced, we had to decide which items would be stored in the closet.  That is when the memories started flowing.  First were about five childhood games, two of which had been passed down from oldest to the next to the next to him. We had to stop and chat about who played which game or the times that we all played this particular game.

Then came the baseball cards, one of his earliest fixations.  We remembered how he use to take his little bike down to the town square to the Squires Shop, a men’s clothing store that had a baseball card counter.  It wasn’t long before he was on a first name basis with the owner.  He had the catalogues and thought out his purchases.  He still has all of them with the exception of one rookie card that he sold for $280 over eBay.  We dusted the boxes and put them on the shelves. 

Next we waded through the stack of World Wrestling Federation magazines.  Somewhere between fourth and sixth grade several of his buddies developed an all-consuming fascination with this excuse for a sport.  He had a huge supply of the magazines and we discovered four old VCR tapes of Wrestle Mania Unlimited Super Ass Whipping Number 465.  What really lit up our spirits was when we found a series of about thirty file folders that he had made up to follow this sport.  He had names, events and results separated into separate folders.  I had to stop as I looked at these folders for a few minutes to as I remembered the couple of times I took him and his friends to a theater in Des Moines for pay per view wrestling events.  They loved it; I was bored out of my mind.

Rita discovered a couple of bulging folders from his middle school mock trial adventures.  As we looked though the different cases, the research, the briefs and the exhibits our minds drifted back to his opening and closing arguments, his interrogations, and the sheer fun he had doing that with some of his classmates.  Naturally I remembered the fact that I had to put out good money for a sports coat that he wore three times for these competitions and then promptly outgrew. Back then we had started to prepare ourselves for the possible embarrassment of someday having an attorney in the family.

We had filled one large Wal-mart plastic container with odd stuff so it went on the top shelf.  Next came the rolled and folded items.  Our son has developed quite affection for movies so his walls are plastered with movie posters.  Needless to say, he has more posters than walls so we rolled and rubber banded several and put them on the top shelf. Next came the folded flags.  In seventh and eight grades Conor was consumed by geography so relatives showered him on birthdays and Christmases with the flags of foreign counties.  Folding those took Rita and I back to the two trips he made to the national Geography Bee in Washington D.C.  We had to get a cup of coffee and remind each other of tales from those trips. As we looked around the room we could see the collage of state buttons from the National Bee that his aunt made for him, we looked at the box of photos of the trip and gingerly perused the programs from the competition.

I do believe it was about this time, that Rita finally got the windows open and the screens down so that for the first time in six years fresh air circulated throughout that room.  He had moral objections to opening windows.

Next came the major bookshelf that contained all of the Star Wars Soda Pop collectible cans and bottles.  He is a premier Star Wars fan and when the second trilogy of movies started to come out he decided that certain things would be good investments.  The Star Wars pop can idea was great at the time, but over the course of the second half of the trilogy, some sprung leaks and we had quite a mess on the bottom shelf and on the carpet.  Now please don’t judge us too harshly on this.  If we could have found the carpet under his clothes, we probably would have seen the spill. The cans complimented the fifty or so star wars characters still in their plastic containers that are push pinned to the wall.  We will have to see how his investment turns out. The top shelf had miniatures from different vacations that he and we had taken, so we got to linger over them and relive highlights of all of those trips.

Next was the other bookshelf that had actual books.  There were geography references, Star Wars books, two books that belonged to the Indianola High School library (which were promptly delivered to the neighbor girl to return anonymously for us,) a dash of Hannibal Lector and his seven Wildlife Fact file binders.  This was probably his first obsession and the one he is most noted for.  His room was still full of statues of animals, an animal bedspread, and a wallpaper border dedicated to the beasts of the jungle. Somewhere years ago Rita and I saw where you could get wildlife fact sheets sent to your kid every month for only $4.95 each month. As we were attempting to be good parents we went for it.  This was just at the time that Conor was developing his reading skills. This went on for a couple of years.  One day his oldest brother and a few of his friends were looking at the binders and one mentioned a particular animal.  “Page 123,” Conor responded.  They where shocked when they discovered he was right.  They started quizzing him on different animals and were amazed that he knew the page for each.  One can only imagine how many hours he must have poured over those binders to be able to do that.   Needless to say he is a legend among his oldest brother’s high school friends.

Memory lane came to a dead end and reality set in.  We had been meaning to remove the carpet in his room since the Reagan administration but had never gotten around to it.  We paid for that delay.  It was the filthiest thing that I have torn up or carried out to the garbage in my life.  I had grave doubts that the garbage guys would take it.  Once we got that chore done we busted our backs and bruised our knees by spending an hour taking up carpeting nails and staples, then Rita went over the floors with a vacuum and several types of detergent. 

After I took a bath with vigorous scrubbing and a long time soaking, I made it back to the now cleaned room.  Rita was there and I could see that her thoughts were the same as mine.  One chunk of memories from the first 18 years of our youngest life brought a tear and many thoughts of the rest of his life brought a smile. Our parting thought was that this was one clean but empty room.  We will take the messy lived in room over the clean room anytime.

© 2006 Kenan Bresnan  Kreasan@mchsi.com

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WORKING MOMS    
By: Kathy Whirity    

Who works harder, a working mom or a stay at home mom? What if the stay at home mom also happens to make a living by taking care of children for career moms?

The debate is as about as long running as the fight women have fought to gain their independence in the working world.

The answer may vary greatly depending on who you talk to.

Stay at home moms, who make a living by caring for working moms' children, may seem to be a little envious of the freedom their counterparts seem to have. Career moms drop off the kids and head for the train. For the rest of the day they will they will enjoy nothing but adult conversations and have the ability to actually carry out a thought without the constant chatter of toddlers that have learned to equate tantrums with attention.

Working moms, on the other hand, have their own visions of what a luxury it must be to stay home. These busy moms pluck their babies from their warm, comfortable cribs with some regret. Though the sun is barely up they have a schedule to keep.

At the baby sitter's, her child will settle in to what has become a second home.

And as she hurries to catch her train, the career mom is just a wee bit envious that someone else will be receiving the hugs she'll only wish for.

Both are working moms, dedicated to their specialty just the same.

The other day I overheard a comment by a career mom that baby sitting is not a 'real' job. I found that statement to be a little bit amusing and so very far from the truth.

Not everyone has the maternal gift to lovingly nurture and care for someone else's children.

Having the ability to calm little one's fears, cheer a toddler's independent first steps, or rock a cranky baby to sleep are all attributes of a childcare provider.

Sometimes these women find themselves pitted against each other.

Stay at home moms who baby sit vs working moms with careers.

Each side views the other a little differently.

The job of care giver is not all baking cookies and story time. The feeling of claustrophobia can sometimes overwhelm a a mom who is surrounded by the calamity of children, day in and day out.

And, likewise, spending a few hours each day commuting by train is not the luxury a homebound mom might think it is.

The reality of rushing to meet deadlines, while being accountable to a boss, leaves little time for the glorious misconception that career moms indulge in enchanting work days.

Whose job is more valuable? The jury is still out on that one.

But, if you look at it realistically, both sides need each other to accomplish the goal of a job well done--whatever that job may be.
 
© 2005 Kathy Whirity kathywhirity@yahoo.com

Bio:  Kathy Whirity lives in Chicago where she shares her life and love with her husband of 28 years, Bill, their two daughters, Jaime and Katie, and two rambunctious retrievers, Holly and Hannah.  Kathy is a newspaper columnist who writes sentimental musings on family life. Kathy would love to hear from you. You may reach her by e-mail kathywhirity@yahoo.com

 

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THE WEDDING DRESS
By: Kathy Whirity

When a mother dreams of her daughter's wedding day she has visions of the flowing white gown and a beautiful bouquet. She pictures her husband, the father of the bride, walking their daughter down the aisle, arm in arm while tears of happiness blur her view.

Never in those days of anticipating her daughter's Cinderella day did she once think about something equally important - the shopping for the wedding dress.
But, as the mother of the bride soon learns there are many tedious steps that need to be taken before the glorious event of walking down the aisle.

As a newcomer to the bridal scene I pretty much thought that if you've seen one white wedding dress you've pretty much seen them all. Did I not learn anything from the past experience of shopping for Prom gowns? This, I was to learn, would be an experience like no other.
The hangers each held a variety of styles. There were the poofy-foo-foo dresses with yards and yards of material. There were A-lines, straight lines and mermaid styles for the slimmest of the slim. Organza, tulle, satin, silk and lace were just the tip of the fashion fabric iceberg.

Patiently, I sat and watched as my darling daughter modeled a medley of gorgeous gowns, one prettier than the next.
Any one of them could have been the perfect one. Whether fancy lace or simple satin - they all looked flawless on her petite size 6 frame.
Fear of commitment seemed to be what spurned her on to visit other bridal salons.

It wasn't too long ago I had been in a similar situation, but that was senior prom and I thought that was cause for an ultimate Tylenol moment! I can tell you now that shopping for a prom gown pales in comparison, and rightly so. This is a big day; one that will not only live on as a memory in our hearts but that will also live forever on the wall in the form of a framed photograph of this merry milestone in all our lives. So, it was, with minimal complaint from me, that we searched and searched some more.

I was becoming quite good at going with the flow and I began to enjoy the outings. Oohing and ahhing became as natural as breathing as my daughter modeled these fantasy gowns before me.
Finally she had it narrowed down to three. All were similar in style, all looked stunning and beautiful but still no commitment from the bride to be.
I was now in the 'going with the flow' mode and knew she would eventually find what she was looking for.

And, it did indeed happen, quite by chance. Browsing through a salon she chose a dress from the rack that I wouldn't have guessed she'd take a second look at.
Her decision to try it on would change the course of our shopping adventures. It would also signal the beginning of the wedding planning.
No sooner had she slipped into this creative vision of splendor and we both knew this was thee dress for her.

There was my little girl, standing there in a white wedding gown; a white wedding veil with tiny sparkles of crystal and bugle beads trimming the edges that softly caressed her shoulders.
The sight brought tears to my eyes.

The message hit home as I watched her gracefully step in front of the long triple wide mirrors.
My baby girl is getting married! There is no turning back only going forward, toward a new life with the man she loves.

Time is flying by so fast! We've reserved the church, we have the reception hall, the DJ has been booked and the photographer has been hired.
And as the date draws ever near I know the hardest part for me will be accepting that my little girl will be leaving home to make her own home and family with the man she will soon marry.
For her, finding the perfect wedding dress signals the excitement of new beginnings.
For me this a lesson in learning to let go, slowly and gracefully as the sound of wedding bells ring out in her not so distant future.

© 2005 Kathy Whirity kathywhirity@yahoo.com

Bio:  Kathy Whirity lives in Chicago where she shares her life and love with her husband of 28 years, Bill, their two daughters, Jaime and Katie, and two rambunctious retrievers, Holly and Hannah.  Kathy is a newspaper columnist who writes sentimental musings on family life. Kathy would love to hear from you. You may reach her by e-mail kathywhirity@yahoo.com

 

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A Soldier’s Tale…
By: Georgia Nelson

Everything I read, all advice I get tells me I am suffering from Empty Nest syndrome. When that time finally comes and all the kids have left home. I have volumes about how this is a joyous time, time for me, time to nurture myself, time to move on. So why is it so hard? I’m not alone – I have a whole chat group devoted to mother’s feelings of loss and emptiness. I subscribe to a newsletter for Empty Nesters. I try to buy into the whole idea – OK new phase of my life – time to go back to school, take art classes, travel, Those things fill up the time and space but don’t make me feel any better about the situation. I feel so stupid – I don’t want to make a big deal out of it – I have faced so many obstacles in my life – this is just another hill to take – right?

I have come to the conclusion that I am not suffering from Empty Nest but rather Post Traumatic Stress. I am a soldier home from the war. When I became a Single Mother of two, urban working class poor holding down two jobs to make ends meet, I became a soldier and the war I fought was to keep us all afloat until things got better. I fought brave battles, making sure we had a roof over our heads, a warm bed, food on the table, as well as nurturing the spirit – birthday parties, Christmas mornings, soccer games, boy scouts, hiding illness and shame from my boys little blue and green eyes.

Now I am battle scared but victorious from the war. I fought my battles well and have raised two extremely awesome young men – I did my job well and their successes & independence are my medals of honor. So what does a soldier do when the war is over?

I band together with other victorious mothers – we are members of a sisterhood That crosses all lines. Our support groups over coffee and tea are my therapy. That is why Empty Nest Mom’s cry so much – because there was no time to cry during the war.

I’m making up for twenty years of tears. I’ve been discharged from the urban military core of single working moms – I’m happy but I miss the battles just the same.

Its not Empty Nest – its Post Traumatic Stress.

 

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The Dichotomy
By: Tracy Steffa

Dichotomy: 1. separation of different or contradictory things: a separation into two divisions that differ widely from, or contradict each other.

I took my only biological child, Lindee to Colorado State University on August 18, 2005. It struck me how differently we understood her transition to college life to be.

I felt like I was losing my only child. She felt like wanted to be on her own.

I felt anxious about her academic performance. She reassured me that she did fine in high school, while she worked and was the photo editor of the newspaper.

I feel worried about I how am going to pay for school. She told me that she can always get student loans and I can help her pay them back after graduation.

I suspect that she will not make good decisions about drugs, alcohol and sex. She felt like she was prepared to deal with everything on her own, including her own adult choices and the repercussions.

I feel like she won’t take care of her self and get sick, injured or become a victim of a crime. She tells me that it hasn’t happened yet, why worry so much!

I feel a sad loss that we will never be as close as we are right now. She assures me that although we are close, it is time for her to have different relationships with different people.

I didn’t expect to have these anxious feelings, but her divergent opinions about my fears kind of made me feel worse. They also made me feel like she has the solid foundation to become what ever she wants. It is the beginning of the end in my parenting life.

I am planning on going to Cuernavaca, Mexico to study in a Spanish immersion program for three months in early 2006 as a way of enriching my career as a state probation officer and expanding my horizons. Slowly but surely, I will work down my top ten list of things to do before I die.

 

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Saying Goodbye to Summer
By: Kathy Whirity

How can it be almost over when it seems like it's barely begun? As the old saying goes: 'All good things must come to an end' and summer is no exception. Our summer calendars had been filled with graduation parties, baseball games, backyard barbecues and pool parties. These joy filled events are beginning to wind down and soon we'll be filling our September calendars with dates for chaperoning school activities and adhering to the more rigid schedules that fall brings our way.

These dog days of summer are finding me in a bit of a melancholy mood. As the heat continues to be an issue my heart happens to be melting with memories of summer's sweet song of yesterday.

On a faraway street corner, many , many years ago stood a lemonade stand that held the promise of making lots of money for two enthusiastic best friends. This memory is brought alive as I see today's mommies spending no less than ten bucks on ingredients so their little entrepreneurs can shout ~ ' LEMONADE - 10 CENTS A GLASS!!'

The smell of backyard barbecues always bring to mind the memory of my dad attempting to grill hamburgers. We'd jump for joy even though we knew the hamburgers and hot dogs would be so well past done they'd be well on their way to burnt.

Now it is my dear hubby who likes to play weekend chef. It is his turn to burn the burgers while leaving a happy memory of family time for our kids to recall in years to come.

Many years from now the smell of freshly cut grass will bring the same aroma therapy of youth to our children as it does to us, their aging parents.

Back in the summer of our youth every boy's bike had a baseball mitt hanging from the handle bars. On hot muggy nights moms and dads visited with neighbors on front porches while kids shared in the joy of catching lightening bugs in Mason jars.

These were the best of times. We never worried about things like the ozone. These days little ones almost need the protection of SPF 60 just to play outside.

I remember going to the drive in as a family. What an adventure! Looking back, I wonder how my brothers, sister and I all fit in the back of my father's old Edsel, but we did.

These days of summer are definitely different from the days that I remember.

But, there are similarities - like the laughter of children enjoying the summers of their childhoods that can spark in our youthful hearts, our own mid summer's memories.

Good bye summer till next time, when the beautiful rays of sunshine will once again warm our happy hearts while leading us to the bliss of new beginnings.

© 2005 Kathy Whirity kathywhirity@yahoo.com

Bio:  Kathy Whirity lives in Chicago where she shares her life and love with her husband of 28 years, Bill, their two daughters, Jaime and Katie, and two rambunctious retrievers, Holly and Hannah.  Kathy is a newspaper columnist who writes sentimental musings on family life. Kathy would love to hear from you. You may reach her by e-mail kathywhirity@yahoo.com

 

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Mother's Apron Strings
By: Eva Marie Stover

I've worn my apron proudly
As a mother, if you please.
Though it's somewhat torn and tattered,
It still holds fond memories

Of a mother's heart, a mother's love
For her children dear.
Yes this apron tells a story
That only God can hear.

Child, now that you are married
With a family of your own,
Never forget your mother's love;
It can never be outgrown.

Yes, never forget your mother's love.
Now fly and spread your wings.
Look closely at her apron,
For love had cut its strings.

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Do you have something that stands out in your mind? Maybe a really great trip with the family / kids / husband or friend? A certain time of your life that might have had an impact on you. Maybe you know of someone who has touched your life in some way? Please feel free to submit a "Personal" story of your own to: emptynestmomsite@bellsouth.net with "Personal Story" in the subject line. We'd love to read it!

    

 


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